SquarePeg Books

– Since it’s back to school time, let’s talk English class. What’s a writing rule you learned in school that messed you up as a writer?

Confession time: I was in Advanced Placement English for my Junior and Senior years of high school, across 2 different schools. I had to “test-in” for my Senior year because I was at a new school, and they honestly felt that me finishing AP English Composition with an A, and completing the exam with a “3” (a B average), was not enough to prove I was worthy of their AP Literature program.

To test-in, I had two weeks to study. They gave me a reading list to prep and rather smugly told me that it would be understandable if I didn’t pass.

I did pass, with flying colors.

Just like AP English Comp, I passed with an A, completed the test with a “3”.

I bullshit my way through both classes. I was in my late 20’s before I understood what a pronoun was. I still don’t understand what the hell a prepositional phrase is, and I’m almost 50.

In my Junior year, the way I got around the tests was to speak the sentence under my breath. If it sounded “wrong” to my ears, I reasoned that it was probably the right answer. “Pronoun” has the word “noun” in it, therefore it must be somehow playing with a noun, so where would I put the noun in this sentence? “Adverb” was similar reasoning–it has the word “verb” in it, so we must be doing something to the verb. like replacing it or modifying it or something.

It worked.

My Senior year year AP English Lit, I was clearly the black sheep of the class. As a result, I deliberately chose books, short stories, poems, plays and characters that my teacher thought were “poor”, just to piss her off with my analysis of it, because I knew she would grind her teeth giving me a “B” or an “A”. Every time.

Now I’m just a spiteful bitch. I have a list of words and phrases written down for me to consistently check off when I get to editing the manuscript. It isn’t the last step, but it is really close. But I have that list because I can’t remember a “weak” vs. “strong” word choice. All the fun hints in the world don’t stick in my head.

Because I had to learn to the game system, and revel in spiteful actions.