When I started writing this, I couldn’t report a downward spiral or an upward momentum at the time. I wouldn’t call it “homeostasis,” more like “dissociation.”
Maybe.
It’s eerie.
It feels a lot like waiting. Waiting for… something.
It’s exhausting.
I’ve felt the effects of the heaviness in other ways; I have some routines, but the repetitive nature of those routines aren’t enough, anymore. Meds and supplements are taken in the morning, but for the last month, the only way I even think to take them is by opening the Finch app and seeing it as a task not done, but easy enough to do in order to grab daily points. Even then, it’s inconsistent. Which doesn’t help things.
I suppose it could be a side effect of the head bonk and chronic depression. Or it could just be depression. Or hormones. Again. If you’re female, I suppose hormones are always a possibility. If one isn’t going up, others are trending down, making equilibrium damn near impossible.
Yesterday, things suddenly dumped downward. The waiting isn’t done, but I can feel the slope shifting under my feet, and the weight of everything is creating the inertia to cause a slide that I worry will pick up speed.
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