SquarePeg Books

This has been a rough year for me. And my family, too, but this blog is about me, so let’s just focus on that.

There have been a number of doctor appointments, a couple-three work problems, a layoff, a few other disappointments and scares. All of which ticked my anxiety a little higher, with each event.

And yet, the calm I feel is suspicious. I know it’s a fake calm, though. The dyshidrotic eczema is popping up again and again, but I guess it’s good to know my subconscious is communicating with me?

I am wondering when I’m going to snap, though.

I’m extremely jealous of people right now. People with the time and energy and discipline to just sit down and do writing things consistently. People who can start and finish projects fast and consistent. It feels like everything is conspiring in my head and in the physical world to derail all of my efforts to focus on me and what I need to do for me.

I’m told it isn’t an uncommon problem, as a mom with 2 kids still at home.

That doesn’t make it less irritating. It doesn’t make me feel more charitable towards myself, or others.

I’m trying to not push myself too hard, which is hard, because I remember a time when doing X wasn’t an energy suck, it was just a box to check on the to-do list before moving on to the next one.

Job hunting is also a huge ego hit. I don’t care who you are and whether or not you wanted that job–every rejection hurts. We don’t like to be rejected, and rejection this time of year is especially rough.