SquarePeg Books

But no disco.

Over the summer, I had bone surgery on my foot.

From previous large medical experience, I was totally ready for the random $100 bill here, $300 bill there.

I was NOT expecting an $8000 bill. Which I received. Which, if you read the Surprise Billing Act carefully, they are totally allowed to send.

In between the crisis of trying to figure out how and what and all that other, and getting a delayed EOB explaining that a correction payment was made after the facility in question sent in the appropriate paperwork, and I only owe $1000 and change, there was some panic.

But this post is not about the bill. It is about my Fight or Flight response.

There was no hyperventilating, no crying. No calling my Momma for advice.

There was a sudden NEED to work on The Writing Business. The “sit down and suck it up” response, I guess?

That lasted for 3-4 days.

Then I lost it. The whole focus thing.

I realize this may be another indicator of ADHD, along with my lack of hyperactivity reaction prescription stimulants, however, the Rx stims and I don’t get along so well, mainly because of the money issue. I’ve survived so long without them, insurance won’t cover them.

Setting deadlines for myself doesn’t work, becaus I know me, and I know my reality, and I know that I can totally change that deadline, BECAUSE I HAVE TO DO IT ALL THE TIME FOR OTHER PEOPLE ANYWAY.

The crux of my dilemma: how do i maintain a quality level of panic on a daily basis without developing a tolerance to it?