SquarePeg Books

Why is everything so hard!?!?!?!?

I’ll be the first one to say that my subconscious brain will turn every single mouse-turd task that’s out of the ordinary chores list into a free-climb up K2 with no equipment, but now I’m getting pissed about it.

And getting pissed about it doesn’t make it any easier to Do The Thing.

At almost 49, my sense of spite is no longer capable of carrying me through my own subconscious bullshit. Perhaps this is because years of therapy has forced me to be vaguely self-aware of my bullshit. Maybe I’m just too damned tired to deal with myself.

Stepping over the mouse-turd isn’t that hard. Stepping between clusters of mouse-turds takes a little more energy and requires you pay attention, but it’s still doable. Cleaning a pet box full of mouse-turds is a bit of a learning curve, and gross, but not impossible.

I am fully aware of this. I am fully aware that what I’m losing my mind over isn’t worth it. People do this stuff everyday, all the time, with way less self-imposed stress and overthinking. Some folks don’t even think, they just do it with no plan, and they make it work.

I WANT to Do The Thing. It means a lot to me to Do The Thing. I NEED to Do The Thing for my own sense of self. The Thing is important to me. I am aware The Thing is a wonderful, good, awesome thing for me. I know it won’t be received well by some people, and I know other people will think it’s awesome, but it doesn’t matter because it’s My Thing.

Why does my subconscious brain not want to Do The Thing?