SquarePeg Books

Let’s do the Waffle Dance! The Waffle! The Waffle! The Waffle, Waffle, Waffle!

*cough* Ahem.

“The Waffle” is what I’m terming this particular phase my brain is in. Circumstances are such that I feel I need some kind of reliable employment. My circumstances are also such that I do not need it today, but it is becoming a growing possibility of need as time passes. Experience says I need to retrain to re-enter the employment market for such a job.

And then doubt reared its little head. I haven’t chosen the best career schooling fields in the past. I thought they were okay. Everyone said they were okay. But they didn’t turn out okay. I’ve used those skills, time and again, but not on a professional scene. I can’t seem to enter that part of the arena. Am I choosing the wrong one again? Am I one of those jerks that just can’t get a job without knowing someone on the inside?

And then doubt grew bigger, talking about “Finances”. Even just taking one class a semester because of my time budget still means $1k out of pocket every semester, at least. Can I afford to blow that kind of cash on a chance that I might find a job after all the classes and such?

Yes, I know – “Writing is free! Pour everything you have into writing! Make that your career focus!”

Statistics tell me 90% of writers make $10k or less a year. Do I want to be one of those suddenly discovered geniuses that makes a butt-load of money? Absolutely. Are the odds in my favor? Not so much.

Then doubt got bigger, talking about “Time”. If I take too much time to do the coursework, will it render the knowledge and skills stale? Will it no longer be a job in a “growth field”? Am I sure this is the direction I want to go in?

“Research,” I tell myself. “Do a little more research to determine what it is, exactly, you’re getting in to. You’re still not committed yet.”

Ooooooo. Googling “Wish I knew before I became a paralegal” is bringing up a lot of not so awesome things. No job is 100% awesome, but I didn’t think these items were on the list, either. Some of them I expected, others are on the unsavory side of the house. Talking to a paralegal I distantly know doesn’t do much to alleviate the doubt. “‘High-stress’ is definitely a factor,” she says.

My husband doesn’t like some of the things I found either. “Oh, hell no. OT with no notice and no compensation is industry standard? Uh-uh.”

If I’ve only learned one thing over the years it’s that if I’m stressed out over other things, I don’t write. I don’t have enough brain left to make the words go, so to speak. I’m willing to retrain for getting a job, I just don’t want that job to eat up everything I am, either. The kids and husband are noshing me up quite nicely, so I don’t really need to add another muncher. I imagine my family would agree to that.

Part of me is saying – “Too many doubts. This does NOT feel good. Gut no likey. What about a technical writing degree or even a cert? That’s a little closer to your alley.”

The other part of me is saying I’m a pansy. That I should take a chance and try something completely different (again). That since I’ve announced to everyone I know I was re-entering college for a paralegal cert and started the ball rolling on that, I should stick it out, even though I’m technically not committed to anything yet – no classes have been registered, no signatures on financial aid documents. “Stop being such a coward about challenging things. If I don’t follow through, people will think I can’t commit to things. That I’m too flighty. Or too much a scaredy cat to adult.”

I know I feel calmer about the Technical Writing cert. I’m just as doubtful about getting a job in the field as a paralegal cert, but I feel better about it.

Maybe that’s good enough.

Maybe it will kick start my writing again, since the finishing of an obscene number of UFO’s has not, as yet.

Maybe I’ll dress up as a Giant Waffle for Halloween.