SquarePeg Books

I cannot promise how, where or when these words were used, if ever. I simply find them delightful, and want to share.

QUANKED

To be overpowered by fatigue.

Yo.

I’ve been here. I’ve lived here. I thought I’d moved out of the neighborhood, but no. Occasionally I remember that I still live here  because I will have a good day, and get a bunch of things done–yardwork, groceries, the utility room, I may have even worked a bit on writing.

And the next day comes.

Wham. Stay down. You are allowed to go potty, and eat things that require no thought or prep, and preferably do not require chewing.

For the next few days.

Re-learning how to pace myself is incredibly frustrating. Prior to the TBI, the medical community were like “dunno. Could be fibro. Maybe chronic pain syndrome. Your thyroid looks okay. You’re probably just lazy.”

Then I get the bones in my feet surgically fixed. In 6 weeks, the pain is gone; no more spending 16 hours a day in bed just to be vaguely functional for 8. No more looking at the 8 STEPS separating each floor with dread because going up and down is exhausting, painful, and terrifying because I’m not yet 50. Noore not being uncomfortable in EVERY position.

THIS IS AWESOME!

Nope, sorry. You don’t get to live here. Here’s your TBI, and get back to work.

It almost feels like I got kicked out of an exclusive  club.

It isn’t as bad as it was before the surgeries– I’m not challenging my liver with every painkiller known to many by treating them like candy anymore. I can go up and down stairs without pausing and flinching at every step. I can clean a bathroom without every muscle in my body screaming in protest and having to take a 3 hour break afterwards.

But now I have to figure out what pushes too hard, when can certain things be done, how much can I do before I’m quanked for several days all over again.