SquarePeg Books

Nothing here is medical advice. This is only a recounting of my own experiences. If you see something here that raises a question, ask your medical provider.

I have a load of journals. I’ve tried so many and continue most of them. I’ve plans to try more different kinds. I’m not consistent, though. Consistent journaling would be every day, or every Wednesday or something. “They” say consistent journaling helps with depression and anxiety and all that. It’s hard to be consistent with anything when you’re dealing with icky gross brain booger zombies gnawing on your few remaining brain chemicals. So, I guess some journaling is better than none?

The Whine Journal is just what it is – me journaling negative crap. I would not call it at all helpful, other than I can unload the negative brain boogers. It’s very repetitive, and there’s a lot of stewing around the same old shit. I do occasionally work through an issue, but it doesn’t read like it. I think I’ve been working on this one since 2012. It’s nice to unload, it makes things feel lighter sometimes, but I wouldn’t want it submitted to a court as evidence of my state of mind. I’m thinking about burning it, literally. Maybe it will be cathartic, somehow.

The Mandala Journal is an art journal – each entry is circular art, representative of how one feels at that moment. A lot of personal interpretation is involved. A lot of hyper-fixation happens when I work on an entry, so there aren’t that many–something like 20. This one also dates to about the 2012 era.

A Work Journal – I document my activities towards writing and publishing, sometimes it’s only monthly, other times, though more rarely, I fill the whole page with this and that and word counts and the other thing because I just had an unusually productive week. I’ve looked at journal planners that are supposed to be made specifically for writers, but I don’t like them. Just looking at the layout and the activities to do and such are stressful to me. Which sends me into a negative spiral of how much I suck at the whole writing/publishing thing. The work journal just helps me keep track of what I have done or should do, because I read somewhere that sometimes you need to show documented evidence of actually trying to work as a writer if you get audited by the IRS or some other. I don’t know if that counts as journaling, but sometimes I look at past pages with pride because “I was so productive that day,” while other days are more “Wow. I need to be more productive if I’m going to make this work.” So I guess it counts as “journaling”? Maybe?

Kurzgesagt’s Gratitude Journal – because it was really hard for me to figure out and understand the whole gratitude journaling thing. People say regular gratitude journaling is a good way to change your mindset, but I find myself stressing out over every entry–I keep trying to be grateful for something different each time, and each time I’m left groping. Some days I’m able to just put something down like “today I am grateful it was a low stress workday,” but I find it very difficult to have a different thing every time. This dates to 2018, and I haven’t finished it yet.

I have a Poetry Art Journal — though I don’t put in many entries because poetry isn’t the easiest
thing in the world. A lot of it is built with scrapbooking stickers  and what not, so it’s a visual as well as a reading thing. Some of it is hard to read though. I’m finding it harder to find affordable word stickers, so I’ve started defacing old magazines or the paper fortunes from fortune cookies or whatever.

An Accomplishment Journal — when I accomplish something I’m proud of, I document it. Photos, tickets, bling, a description of the activity. It’s based on the concept of a bucket list, and I wrote one up in the back so that if I’m ever grasping for something fun and goofy to do just for me, I can reference that and pick something if I’m blanking out. It’s nice to look through that one and remember the things I did that I enjoyed. 

A Monthly/Yearly Journal –It’s supposed to be a year in review, look ahead to the next year, and end of month reviews for the current year. I’m using the prompts I found back in 2018, and I have no doubt a more recent one would have different yearly and monthly questions and all that, but seeing as how I only work on it at the end of each month, and then a concentrated burst in December to review the year and set up for the next, I don’t really remember all the activities and questions and such until I read them.

A TBI Journal, because sometimes I notice things that are different about me now than before I decided to knock my head around. It’s a mild concussion, but I have definitely noticed my energy levels have tanked, and activities that weren’t challenging at all for me before require so much concentration now that I tire quickly.

The Big Life Journal – It’s an introspective, prompt lead, “change your thinking kind” of thing. I’ve been working on it since 2023 and I’m almost done. It isn’t that it’s particularly long, it’s just that each section requires a lot of honest mental energy to push through, and I have a limited amount of that resource.

When I finish the Big Life Journal, I’m wondering if I should give Shadow journaling a go, or push through “The DownWard Spiral” book and accompanying workbook.

Why? Why do I have all these journals? Do they actually do something to alter my perception of things?  There is something nice about being able to just barf emotions and answers on a page, without the fear of judgement that talking to people brings. And of course, as I stated earlier, “they” say journaling helps.