SquarePeg Books

I like this phrase. I shouldn’t, because it doesn’t strike a humorous chord, but a negative one.

It defines how I feel about myself at the moment. I try to be helpful, and people tell me I am, but more often than not, I feel like I create about as many problems as I solve. Sometimes I create more, I think.

With everything going on behind the scenes of this blog, I suppose I should’ve expected it, but it’s another downward spiral.

Yay.

Yes, I take medication. Yes, I have a therapist.

Sometimes you’ve got everything under control–grudgingly, and yeah, I bitch a lot about things–but it’s stable-ish control. An occaisional smack in the knee or a hit right in the not-so-funny-bone, but you can handle it. You take a breath and you can deal with it.

And then, one thing, two things, three things and BAM!

You’ve been pushed off the edge of a bungee jump platform, but you don’t know if you’ve been properly secured in with the belts and boots.

It’s impossible to know what will be one thing too many. A kid’s activity schedule that makes you rearrange your work schedule. Another child discovering the joys of puberty. Dogs being dickheads. A parent’s minor-sorta-but-not-really-major medical diagnosis. An elder’s expected decline. Members of the household not chipping in on the chores as you would like. A grocery store that completely rearranged its aisles since the last time you were in.

Just one of those things can put stress on a person. several of them can make them cranky. If you already have a mental illness, it’s enough to send you over the edge.

Yes, self care is a thing, and people with experience in the wonderful world of mental illness know about it, but sometimes finding that time, that space, that you need to pull yourself back together–it isn’t there. And often, making the space you need is almost impossible, because it means other people who depend on you to be there, will have to survive without you for an unknown period of time.

A lot of people don’t like to suddenly have to take responsibility for things because the primary person needs an unspecified amount of “self-care time.” Workplaces especially don’t like that, even if you have a doctor’s note.

Not the post people want to read from an aspiring author, I know, but I’m going for honesty on this blog, even if I can’t figure out a stable theme.

Look in on your friends and family.