SquarePeg Books

Do you think writers (and the more voracious readers) have fewer affairs?

This is where a lot of affairs start: you’re unhappy. Why you’re unhappy could be any number of reasons; financial, you don’t feel appreciated, you feel used, disconnected, fill-in-the-blank. Whatever the reason, whatever the perceived cause, you’re unhappy. You don’t like being unhappy. It’s a serious bummer. It’s also easy to blame something or someone other than yourself for being unhappy. And perhaps it isn’t your fault. Or maybe it is and you just don’t want to deal.

Resentment sets in because you’re unhappy.

You want to be happy. Who doesn’t want to be happy? But happiness is not found on the home front anymore. Resentment is there, along with depression and its buddies fatigue, anxiety and loneliness.

Escapism is a thing. You can forget the world for a few minutes or an hour or two. Everybody does it on some level. A hobby. A tendency to go swimming after work. A mindless game on the phone or bingeing on the tv. Classes. A book. An affair.

Anything to feel like life isn’t such a disappointment. Anything to feel like who you are is enough. Anything to feel valid and desired beyond a dollar/genetic/performance value. Anything to feel appreciated, to feel happy.

But I wonder – since writers make up situations and characters out of fairy farts and moonbeams, bending them to their will, making them dance or fight or cry or make love or kill at a whim – do writers have a tendency (as a general demographic) to not have affairs as a form of escape? Since a writer has to escape into their mind in order to create an escapist fantasy they document for others, wouldn’t a real affair be one hell of a disappointment? Think about the love scenes you’ve read over the years, or even the ones you’ve watched on the silver screen – doesn’t that illusion contribute to a bit of a downer when you compare your own love life to it? When you can imagine up the perfect lover/friend/spouse/companion/alien/whatever who does everything exactly the way you want without you having to script it out step by step which (while communication with your partner is a good thing) totally ruins the mood, why would you settle for a physical, fleshy encounter that’s kinda “meh” in comparison to your imagination and is fraught with real life complications you know will make your life worse? (It’s actually kinda funny to think of the “not scripting” part of that sentence because as a writer you are scripting the whole thing because that’s the definition of writing, so how is writing it out not ruining the moment of the fictional scene you’re escaping into to create?)

And by extension, do readers (I mean the heavy, hardcore, 1-2 books a week readers) tend to have less physical affairs? While we all know Duke Stuffyrumplethumper is totally not real, how can a real physical moment honestly compare with his dashingness in the boudoir (or whatever your preferred flavor is)?

There probably is something thrilling, some adrenaline rush, some kind of fulfilled need that comes with a real affair, otherwise everyone would just delve into other forms of escapism and the actual physical act of an affair would be a rare event in today’s world.

But is it possible, maybe even probable, that writers and readers have their escapist affairs through the written word? Letting their imaginations run while carefully crafted words caress their eyes. Sinking themselves in key passages over and over, inserting themselves in select characters to experience the riot of delicious emotions. To escape and live vicariously through a fantasy world that has absolutely nothing to deal with the real and mundane day to day problems.

These are the thoughts that irritate me at 3am during rough patches, just so you know.